Masaya pero malungkot din (Happy and yet sad)

After a brief moment of silence (blogging I mean), I have returned. I am now in Bandar Seri Begawan waiting for my flight which is at 10pm. I have been in the airport for almost 12 hours. Slept all the time at a day room rental located at the ground floor. The past 24 hours have been hectic, starting from Sunday morning Sunday school to this seemingly endless waiting, with the Islamic prayers as my background for I think it's their prayer time now at 8pm.

Yesterday was tiring but very fulfilling. We carried a lot of packages of mixed rice, sugar, oil and clothes for both men, women and children. These are sold in a charity sale to benefit both Sunday school kids and the orang miskin who bought the goods at a very low price. Many were pessimistic at first that the project will fail but like any works done in the name of God, the Holy Spirit proved to be the best marketing agent, the sale was full of people.

I had to leave at 5 to prepare myself for the mass at 6:30 and also to continue packing which I started Saturday. The mass was attended by many familiar faces, some of them where BBM me during the day inviting me to have a despedida dinner, but I was resolved not to take any for I had to pack a lot of things. Honestly, I wanted to go out with them but I can not go out will all of them so to avoid jealousy I tried to restrict myself. However, at the site of people whom I have been with for almost 3 monthsalmost made me cry on the spot. I was particulalrly struck with the Sunday school teachers who work in the morning and attend mass in the evening. The special kid I always meet after the mass who always gave such a soothing flying kiss. The families who literally opened their houses to us, treating us as one of them. Luckily I had the strength to hold my tears although some were already out.

Just before being at peace with my bagage, some friends invited me for a late nightice cream, es puter singapura, which I could not resist specially now that I am famished after all that packing. We had smoothies instead at Bali Cafe in Oasis. After some picture taking, we were ready to go home.

I did not immediately sleep because people kept on BB me, and just when I was already enjoying my sleep, Romo Andrei woke me up at 4am otherwise I will be left by the plane. We fetched Ci Jo, Ko Luki and family because Ko Luki was going to singapore for his eye operation. After praying for our safe trip and for the successful recovery of Ko Luki, Ci jo started crying, tears I never expected. I asked her while we were walking to the airport why she cried, and I too started to pray that it was nothing serious. These two couple where the ones who fetched me from the airport three months ago and now we are together again as I am about to leave. Ci Jo went with me when checked in my baggage and paid for my excess, she invited me to join them in the lounge to eat breakfast which by the way was my first time. I said I was malu because of all these but Ci Jo only said that I should not be because I am with Kuya pointing at Ko Luki and Ate pointing at herself. It was my first time to hear her speak in tagalog and they were words that touched the heart. Truly I found a family in Surabaya, they are all the poeple who have touched my life and in a way I have likewise touched. I hope to come back for them and for the mission entrusted to the Church. A mission and ministry to take care of family members no matter what and to remind each one that Jesus is the great brother and friend who binds us all together.

hari ini Selasa, Sepuluh Mei, Dua ribu sebelas

Today, on our ninth year profession anniversary, I gave my first bahasa indonesia homily. The following is a copy in both the original english and bahasa version.

(Bahasa Indonesian Translation)

Ini adalah homili saya yang pertama dalam bahasa indonesia, semoga ini bukan yang terakhir. Saya ingin berterima kasih kepada Romo Andrei yang membantu saya untuk menerjemahkan ini.

Saudara dan saudari  yang terkasih,

Semua orang ada kecenderungan untuk lapar. Apa yang kita lakukan kalau kita lapar? Pasti, kita makan kan?  Tetapi, kita tidak pernah merasa kenyang selamanya, kita akan lapar lagi, dan makan lagi.

 Yesus berbicara tentang manna di padang gurun, dan roti yang sesungguhnya dari surga. Dulu, bangsa Israel makan sampai kenyang, kemudian mereka lapar lagi. Tetapi, setelah itu mereka seharusnya merasa kenyang,  untuk selama-lamanya dan tidak lapar lagi.

Ada beberapa macam jenis  kelaparan:

kelaparan akan makanan,kelaparan akan  perhatian, kelaparan akan kekuasaan, kelaparan akan belas kasihan, kelaparan akan pendidikan, kelaparan akan solusi untuk masalah sehari- hari, kelaparan akan  kasih.

Bagaimana kita bisa memuaskan rasa lapar kita?

Apakah kita percaya apa diri sendiri saja?  atau kita cukup percaya dengan orang lain?

Apakah kita mencari solusi dengan menyenangkan diri sendiri untuk melupakan masalah masalah kita?  Atau apakah kita berani menghadapi masalah dan menyelesaikannya?  

Apakah kita menyimpan masalah tersebut dalam diri kita?  atau kita mengadiri perayaan ekaristi, mendapat kekuatan dari komuni kudus, dan mengunjungi sakramen maha kudus?

Mana yang paling memuaskan, dan membuat kita  kenyang salama-lamanya?

Dan mana yang membuat kita lapar lagi?

Hari ini,  dengan penuh syukur kita rayakan pesta Santo Antoninus dari Florence, seorang uskup Dominikan.  Sembilan tahun yang lalu, Limabelas frater mengucapkan kaul pertamanya dalam ordo dominikan  di manaoag pangasinan filipina. Empat sudah menjadi imam dominikan, satu imam projo, dan dua diakon. Saya dan romo andrei  termasuk dari group ini.  

Kami bergabung di ordo dominikan ini untuk melayani gereja,  dan  untuk merasakan kenyang selama lamanya dan tidak merasakan kekurangan apapun.  Doakan kami yang tidak berharga ini , supaya kami tetap setia kepada janji kami dan selalu menemukan roti dari surga dalam panggilan hidup yang sudah kami pilih ini.

(Original English Version)

This is my first bahasa indonesia homily, and hopefully it will not be the last. I would like to thank Romo Andrei for helping me translate it from english to bahasa.

All of us havethe tendency to get hungry. And what do we do when we are hungry? Ofcourse, we eat. But our feeling of being filled will not last long, we will again feel hungry and eat once again. Jesus speaks of manna from the desert and the true bread from heaven. The former, the Israelites ate, where filled but where hungry again. The later was suppose to make them filled forever and never go hungry again. Jesus is the true bread from heaven, those who believe in him will be filled forever, and will never get hungry. There are a lot of kinds of hunger during our time, hunger for food, hunger for attention, hunger for power, hunger for mercy, hunger for education, hunger for solution to life’s daily problems, hunger for love. Where do we go to satisfy our hunger? Do we relly on people for help, or do we solely relly on our selves? Do we go to certain places of entertainment to get drunk in order to forget our problems or do we face them in order to solve them? Do we rather stay alone in our room and keep everything to ourselves, or attend mass, find strength in holy communion and in visiting the blessed sacrament?

In all the places we go to, which ones make us filled for a long time and which ones just make us hungry again?

Providentialy, today on the feast of St. Antoninus of Florence, a Dominican bishop, 15 young men professed obedience to the order of preachers in 2002, in manaoag pangasinan. And now 4 are Dominican priests, one diocesan, and two deacons. Me and romo andrei are part of this group. We joined the order to serve the church and found ourselves always filled, inspired and lacking in nothing. Please pray that we will always be faithful to our promises and always find the true bread from heaven in our chosen vocation.

Hari ini Minggu Paskah, Duapuluh empat, dua ribu sebelas

Eternal life is not another life that begins after one has died. It is our love of the Lord, which begins now and which death cannot destroy. Jesus said to Martha just before the calling of Lazarus from the tomb: 'I am the Resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live' (John 11.25). Death has no dominion over us because our life is this relationship with the one who has defeated death.

                                                 

-Excerpts from the Easter Sunday homily of Fr. Timothy Radcliffe, OP

Selamat Paskah! Truly eternal life is now here, present even as we speak, it has been won by the resurrection of Christ from death, a victory which became a ransome for all humanity. It is good to know that we don't have to wait for death in order to experience eternal life. Many if not all view this life as a test, an examination of whethere or not we are fit for the future life with Jesus. But what many don't realize is the fact that we don't need to die to experience the Kingdom of God, for this Kingdom is truly upon us. We can make heaven on earth, if only we live honest lives, loving lives which care not only for ourselves but most importantly for others, a live of giving and sharing, of genuine concern and unconditional love. It's is so easy to visualize but so hard to put in practice, specially when we are surrounded by so much selfishness, greed, pride, lust, violence, and indifference. But Jesus showed that a happy life is possible, that such a life can never be destroyed even by death, a life which continues and will last forever.

On a lighter note, just wanted to share how events could play tricks on us, and how the devil can tempt us in the most unexpected ways and in the most innocent people. As a religious brother, we profess the vows of poverty, chastity and obdience, but just when we thought we are already strong to resist temptation, that is the time the devil stricks strongest. Tonight, of all nights, just after the priest prayed for God to watch over us, so that the darkness of sin might be dispelled by Christ's loving light, temptation comes outside the door of the church. I have always been fighting this ever since, and have proven it very effective to pray whenever temptations come. I can not do it  by myself, I need God, his inspiration which tell me to be happy but never to find it in sin, to know my limitations and always think of the good of the Church and never my own.

Si Lord talaga, kung kelan masaya at tuwang tuwa ka, dun ka naman nya padadalhan ng tuksong di mo alam kung easter gift nya o trial lang kung kakagat ka. Hehehe kung ano man yon, sa amin na lang ni Lord. Basta Happy Easter sa lahat at sana makamit natin ang masayang buhay ngayon na hindi kayang tapusin o wakasan ng kamatayan. Muli, Selamat Paskah!

Hari ini Jumat Agung, Duapuluh dua April, Dua ribu sebelas

Was blessed to have witnessed and participated in the Holy week celebrations here in Surabaya. Although wasn't really able to do some of the usual liturgical jobs of the deacon, I enjoyed being exposed to new things here. I admit that I missed the usual Filipino celebrations we have, particularly the Visita Iglesia, Pabasa and the ellaborate processions of images of the saints, I particularly appreciated new experiences with Indonesian practices. It was my first time to see a live passion play which they call as Jalan Salib visualisasi, a dramatization based from the way of the cross. The first nine stations where parelleled to a contemporary story of an honest man who lost his job because of corrupt officemates, was forced to steal money out of desperation in order to provice for his family's needs and ended up realizing that his suffering is but a small part in Christ's persecution, torture and eventual death. Although I am used to watching horror films with the usual bloody, violent and gorry plots, I can not but feel fear, pain and discomfort while watching live violence performed on stage. I know that it is but a play, and yet the impact is so strong that I started to question if I could really take actual suffering when faced to confront one.

We ended up the day with the liturgy of the word and communion service which focused on the veneration of the cross. Just before sleeping, I watched a very inspiring film starred by Richard Gere entitled Hatchi: a dog's tale, which was based on actual events and is actually a remake of an earlier Japanese film. I can not but start crying which watching the cute dog wait patiently and with loyalty for his master's return in front of the train station, a fete done by Hatchi for nine years even after the death of his master. I likewise checked the live TV streaming of ABS-CBN and found an episode of MMK entitled "Sulo". The inspiring story about Gumapac Barrio School, were teachers and students struggled to keep  the school open. Hope remains were true love and concern is present. Jesus' saving sacrifice continues in people who care, the hope of a happy life in loving citizens who never cease to give, and the inspiration to live because of a promise of eternal life.

Hari ini Selasa, sembilanbelas April, Dua ribu sebelas

Today is the 6th year priestly ordination anniversary of Fr. Adrian. It was celebrated with a simple breakfast which the parishioners prepared after the mass. It has been a tradition to give slices of cake to important people by the order of priority.

Just after lunchtime, we went to Indriasana for the formal turn over of the school to the parish. One thing I realized during such occassions, even if people are alreadu hungry, the program can't be cut short because of the many people who have to speak with long speeches.

Likewise, it was my first time to attend a Chrism mass which was done at the Cathedral. I never realized that there are a lot of priests in the diocese, both from the diocesan and religious congregations. Probably the most number of religious priests come from the SVD who have four provinces here in Indonesia. I think people here are very similar to Filipinos who love their priests very much, as evident by the number of peoplewho attended and the food which was served.

After the gathering, we went back to RM to change and went straight to Sutos where we watched a Bahasa film about the inter religious dimension of the Indonesian culture. Although the film tried to focus on the tensions brought about by religion, I was particulalrly attracted to the psychological aspect of male insecurity, anger disposition and children's tendency to hate a parent thinking that they are the reason why the other partner left the relationship. Generally the film is bagus, and is very much recommended to people to would like to appreciate the importance of mutual understanding, respect, forgiveness, love and making choices that would make our lives happy and fulfilled.

hari ini Jumat, limabelas april, dua ribu sebelas

After almost two weeks of reading the Gospel in Bahasa Indonesia, it was my firts time to be absent this morning. I just don't know why, but I did not hear the alarm, the next thing I know, the sun was already up and the bell that signaled the start of the mass was already ringing. I was so ashamed of what happened but maybe that's life, we sometimes don't wake up for  things that we were assigned to do.

Later in the morning, I was blessed to have talked with my first couple who were instructed in the Catechism about matrimony to prepare them for marriage come September. The guy is a German national while the girl is Indonesian. They met in Bali were the girl works as a barista. They have been in the relationship for three years, but most of which was spent virtually thanks to the wonders of modern technology such as skype. I just read the CCC last night and was planning to tell them what I taught in class, since I was a professor for theology particularly on the sacraments before when I was in the Philippines. However, the Holy Spirit had other plans, so while discussing, I was insight which came to me just there, and examples from my background in counseling which the couples appreciated. Although I only gave the theology and the canonical requirements for marriage, I felt that the couple learned something more about the current conditions of families and how to face future problems. Puji Tuhan!

Just before lunch time, Judi and I went to look for janur leaves to be used in making leaves for Palm Sunday. I thought of teaching the teens for catechism tomorrow how to make palm leaves the Filipino style. So while buying the leaves and showing Judi how to make them, he gave me some lessons on some herbs sold in the warung which were used to be placed in the room of a newly wed couple because of some superstitious beliefs. Anyway, which doing this,it came to us how we can actually make a fund raising out of the leaves which can help generate funds for the culminating activities of the teens. At least they would learn how to value the money that they would be usuing for their graduation. So again we bought additional leaves in the afternoon. But not before having snacks at Dunkin Donuts, were they served Durian and Atis flavored donuts!

I ended the day with a fruitful and blessed sharing of prayers, ideas and most specially food with the Filipino Community at Mr. Al's place in Sudwarto.

hari ini Minggu, sepuluh april, dua ribu sebelas

Aside from the usual Sunday school day, I spent time with the Filcom in Surabaya during their family day. It was a fun filled event with many Filipinos in attendance. Together with me are fathers Adrian and Ramon, an Opus Dei priest. It's a celebration of life, a piece of home far away from home. And ofcourse, with us is Miss Liza, ang reyna ng facebook hehe!

Tonight likewise marks a historical event in my life and in the life of the RM parishioners, my first homily. It is not my first time to give one, but it is my first time to give a Sunday homily without a printed outline in front of me. Only God knows I nervous I was before the mass, but with God's help and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, I did not have mental block. Truly if you are doing God's work, you will find yourself lacking in nothing, for he will provide. Like God promising Moses, Aaron, Samuel and the great prophets and fathers of old, God will speak on their behalf. Here is the draft of my homily.

Dead Rising (Homily on Lazarus on the 5th Sunday of Lent)

What will you do if you are in a funeral or a wake and suddenly the corps of the dead suddenly wakes up, gets out of the coffin and start walking around the house or the funeral parlor? Would you still stay in that place or be the first one to look for the nearest exit and run?

Who is not afraid of zombies? I have a confession, I like watching horror movies. And one of the scariest, are those which has zombies, which suddenly appear and start eating other people. There is even a computer game called plants versus zombies where the zombies  eat the brains of the homeowners if they don’t protect their lawn with super hybrid plants. Many if not all have encountered one or two ghost stories in their lifetime. Peaople particulalrly, Asians have a penchant for telling and listening to ghost stories. Gatherings, most specially campings come alive when people start sharing popular urban legends, which are either invented, based from experience or are just heard from other people. But why this attraction to the supernatural? Why do are we fond of seeing movies where the good and evil forces fight for power? Come to think  of it, today’s Gospel is a good plot for a great horror movie. Just imagine going to the cemetery and someone calls out the name of a dead person, and suddenly here he comes, wrapped in burial clothes, like a zombie, the undead hungry for fresh meat, and that’s the cue for the people around to run for their lives. But today’s story is far more than that, it is a story of hope, of triumph of life over death, of a promise of eternal life in Christ.

The tomb is a symbol of death, cold and gloomy. It is a symbol of hopelessness, of an end to a mortal existence. Before Lazarus finally got out of the tomb, there were three things that had to be done. First is the rolling of the stone which sealed the tomb. During our lifetime, we sometimes start to build big and great walls, high fences which shut us out of the world. Initially we wanted to protect ourselves from the seemingly cruel world, we build defense mechanisms in order to protect our weaknesses and frailty. But in the long run, without even realizing it, this wall and fense becomes not just a security but a prison for us. Yes people can not get in, but also we won’t be able to get out. We need to open our tombs, we need to open ourselves in order to come out.

Then Jesus called out the name of Lazarus and ordered him to come out. If Christ would just say, rise and come out, probably it will really be zombieland because all the dead people might rise again. But Jesus called lazarus to come out. Coming out means going out of our security blankets, of our comfort zones. We open our tombs and start walking out, slowly walking towards Christ. This encourages us to step out of our comfort zones, and start doing something good for other people. Start soiling our hands and reach out to those who are in need. Many times we are so used to our routine that any slight change becomes a threat to our peace. We see these as a threat to whatever normal life we have, but sometimes it is when we start doing new things that we discover that there is more to liife than this. I have been in the Philippines for almost 30 years and stayed in the seminary for almost 12 years. Most of my life I have been studying. And whileI was there all I wanted to do was to finish my studies and do mission work. Now that I am here, I wanted to go back to the Philippines to study. There is a tendecy for us to revert, to go back to a more easy life, eating, sleeping, studying. But do we really grow if we do that? Do we become mature individuals if we do that? Do we really learn if we just remain in our former life, in our tombs?

Lastly, Jesus asked the people to untie Lazarus and let him go. This isan assurance that Lazarus was really alive and that he is not a zombie who would hurt them. But more than this, the wrappings signify our unnecessary attachments to material things. The reason why people have a hard time letting go of bad experiences, of hurts, grudges, anger etc is because they keep a lot of things to remind them of these hurts. Take for instance a girlfriend who claims to have let go of a past boyfriend but clings to the clothes, pictures, love letters which the guy gave her. And whenever she sees them she is reminded of the pain caused by the guy. We should likewise untie ourselves of the wrappings of pride, selfishness, sin which hinders us from totally accepting Jesus and embracing him as the true source of life.

Let us not be like zombies this lenten season who wonder aimlessly looking for victims. We must rather be like Lazarus who found the source of eternal life, and stopped wondering looking for other sources of satisfaction, pleasure and happiness. Today, more than just a celebration of a dead man walking again, it is also a challenge and a hope for all of us to experience life in Christ by rolling away the stones that shut us from the world, or hearing Jesus call for us to come out of our comfort zones and untie our wrappings which hinders us from embracing the hope and promise of Jesus eternal life.